perfect peace

God will keep me in perfect peace as long as my mind is stayed on Him. i'm thankful today for the perfect, deep, settled peace God gives even in the midst of great uncertainty as long as i keep my mind on Him. the financial issues resulting from the strike of 52 days should have me going crazy and not sleeping at night - but, instead i give it to God every day and keep focused on Him and he gives me peace.
thank you Lord.

reality

sometimes it hurts. with dad living with us and as i try to help him navigate the doctor changes, understanding his medications and his physical issues right now it makes me sad that he is growing old. as a kid i used to keep very close track of my parents ages and with each few years or decade change i remember thinking "ok they're in their 40's, that's not so old." Then..."they're in their 50's, that's not so old." and on it went. when mom died at 66 that seemed painfully young. and now as dad looks at 75 i still think of that as young, but the reality is that he's slowing down and age is a factor more and more each year. it makes me sad. it makes me tearful at times. i miss the days with both parents - those years that i thought would never end...MY parents wouldn't die. but she did, and they do.
jen's getting married, kimmie faye is a real social worker, matt is a senior in high school...reality is real alright.

how things happen

so i got called to work today (thank you Lord, we need $$$) and God used me in my first two encounters - a lady began to cry over losing her mom - i was able to share a bit about how it feels and how it does get better. then a lady began to cry over her suicidal teenage daughter - my how God orchestrates our lives and our encounters! i was able to empathize with her pain and fear. not great big things, but when we offer ourselves to be used by God (imperfections and all) He is faithful and will use us.

ineffective

there is so much trauma in this world. today i feel so ineffective in easing any of it. i know that satan loves to do this to me; get me to feel like a failure and not equipped for the ministry God has called me to.
with a lump in my throat for the homeless woman who called needing shelter for her and four children i'm asking God to guide me and lead me and use me to help make even a miniscule difference in someone's life.
where God calls He equips - even me.

faith

i've read about faith, i've preached about faith and most days i've claimed to possess faith. but this week faith is a difficult discipline for me. i have to have faith in so many areas - the boeing situation and our lack of income and most difficult my children (just to name a couple). faith that God knows what i need before i need it and He will supply my needs, and faith that God loves my precious babies so much more than i could or ever imagine that i could.
i struggle with my fears as matt is in a difficult place in his young life. he's struggling with some depression over life issues and i for the first time can't kiss him and make everything all better. we are both learning the "one day at a time" stuff and are also learning to put it all in God's hands and trust.
it can be hard, but as i just preached today He can use me so much more effectively when i admit my imperfections, fears and struggles and give them to Him.
today i choose to trust Him.