ready

i'm feeling quite overdue in being ready to get my eating back in control. i feel so out of control. i just can't let myself stay this weight and be this uncomfortable in clothes and with cameras when jen's wedding arrives. it's not fair to do that to myself. so, once again i am going to try to get in control and that to me means stopping the sugar altogether, counting calories, going back to weekly ww meetings and exercising at least three times a week. it's SO frustrating because i KNOW i will feel so much better in just a few weeks, but for months i just haven't been able to get it together.
i know my relationship with dennis will improve because i know that most of my irritability is because of my frustration with myself. he's lost about 30 lbs and looks good and i'm jealous - i don't sabbatage him, but i just want to be able to do it too.
so, i'm viewing this as doing myself a favor (which i don't do often enough) and i'm vowing to give my struggle to God on a daily basis.
here i go.