moving toward peace

i can't believe how dennis and i have been the last month or so. after seeing john and having him tell us we need to get to the place where we love the other person more than we love the idea of getting our own needs met i felt great conviction and selfishness. i decided i was going to "try" it out and be more interested in him than in my own neediness. things have been really good. marriage encounter just sort of helped things slip into place - things that were SO hard in the past. i can by annoyed and not move away from him (emotionally or physically), i can express my feelings and be ok with whatever his response is. we laughed together the other night and it felt SO good. just silliness, but we never let our guards down enough to be silly and we really need to. someone asked me if things were better because my dad lives with us. seriously, no. but i'm glad we finally got our act together so we are at peace with him in the house. i truly feel love for him that i haven't felt in a very long time (if ever, to the degree i wanted to be in love). he is so much less defensive, more loving and patient in his responses to me, more patient of my aches and pains of arthritis. does it take everyone 7 years of therapy to "get it"? not sure, but i guess we had to experience each of those days in order to be where we are today. i'm kind of excited (for once) to see john next week because the last five weeks have been so transforming. i'm working on establishing better communication between me and God now too - i want to know when He is speaking to me and learn to listen. jen finds out friday if she is matched for an internship, brett is taking his cpa tests (hard), kimmie is deciding what to do with her life and experiencing God more and more and matt is applying to nnu. so many things to pray about! the wedding is less than 3 months away! i am blessed.